I’m a klutz. I don’t know how I manage to not make an ass out of myself on the volleyball court (well, most of the time), but just put me in a restaurant with glasses and dishes, and I can sure make a big mess! If you have ever had a meal with me, or even a drink, you’ve probably experienced this at some point. Usually, it ends up in a broken glass and me apologizing profusely to the restaurant staff, or else someone immediately running off to dry-clean their clothes before any stains start to set in.
Just some words of wisdom: if you’re going out somewhere with me for food or drink, save yourself and please don’t wear white! Other options include just politely moving any glasses further away from my side of the table, or just noticing and being more on guard when I become animated about any particular topic and start talking with my hands.
To see a little bit of what I’m like, here are My Top Acts of Klutziness at Restaurants and Lounges over the past year:
- Salathai Thai Restaurant. I went to drink a glass of water and dropped it against the table during one lunch there (less than a week ago). It proceeded to smash into hundreds of pieces and the glass, water, and ice cubes landed not only on my lap, but also all over the floor. We ended up having to move to a new table, and having to wait for someone to clean-up, since it seemed all of the patrons managed to see it and look, but no one that actually worked there noticed. Note: there was no booze associated to this lunch.
- Elixir Lounge at the Opus. A large group of us were sitting at a table in the lounge against the windows, drinking some Moët (just because). At this point in the night, I managed to break not one, not two, but THREE champagne glasses and smashed them all over the floor. These were knocked over by my arm, my foot, and an article of clothing, all in one night. I’m surprised they still let me back in there…
- Chilli House Thai Restaurant. My boyfriend was wearing a full white linen suit for my birthday night out in June, as we were going to end up at a party at Pop Opera that had a Miami theme night going. I was super careful to not spill on him allll evening. At dinner, I picked up the larb that I was eating and was so excited (since it’s one of my favourite Thai dishes) that I managed to pour all of the sauce at the bottom of the serving dish into my lap, onto my brand new dress. (Note: One of the ingredients in larb is fish sauce. And there’s lots of it.) I was so proud of myself for being so careful and not getting it all over the white linen suit. Three hours later, find us at Pop Opera. I have a cranberry vodka handed over to me, and as I lift up my hand to grab it, I hit the bottom of the glass and pour half of the red drink all the way down his body, from his neck right down to his white shoes. Nice touch.
- Section (3) in Yaletown. There was a large group of us having some dinner and drinks out one weekend evening. We walked up to the bar and I ordered a couple of glasses of wine for myself and a girlfriend. We started drinking them and I continued to chat with some others nearby. Then I turned around and walked in the other direction, and apparently had swung my arm around and knocked over my girlfriend’s glass of red wine – and it landed all over her. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice this happen (and just found out later that night when I was informed). The staff ended up helping to mop up the mess, with me continuing to while away the time, none the wiser.
- The Keg Yaletown. I was with three other people trying this place out for the first time soon after it had first opened. We were just waiting for our prime rib classic dinners to come, and just had fresh glasses of red wine topped up by our server. After returning from a quick trip to the bathroom, I sat down, and managed to backhand the glass of the person sitting across from me. Well, I must say he handled that one pretty well – and he was lucky to be wearing a dark shirt. The full glass of wine spilled all over his shirt and onto the booth seating and floor. Now it was his turn to go to the bathroom to clean himself up, and I then proceeded to apologize every 15 minutes for the rest of the meal. It was a loooong dinner that night.
Okay okay, so a lot of these posts also have something else in common – I happened to be drinking at the time. However, come out and have a meal with me sometime (even sans alcohol), and if you really want, I can prove the whole klutziness thing to you in person.
And for those of you that have already had to go through all of this while out with me in the past, please accept my sincere apologies! One of my goals for 2010 is to not be as much of a klutz – we’ll see how it goes!